Suze's Quest For a Job In Telly

Boo to Mandy

2006-10-27T20:04:00.000+01:00

This is so not kewl. I just got this email from Mandy:

Dear Susan Bennett,

Your posting requesting free equipment has been removed from mandy.com.
It's certainly not a "job" and we have no sections to post that sort of
request.

Sorry!

Regards
John

Why can you advertise for people to work for nothing but not for people to provide the services of their companies for nothing?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to give him what for!

Hi John,

I disagree. Employers advertise on Mandy requesting people to provide their services for free so I don't think this is any different. All I'm doing is asking people to provide services for free. I'd be employing them to do it. How is that different?

I'm very disappointed that you say you're providing a service to help people yet don't want to help me.

Shame on you for being so unhelpful.

Susan

What a load of meanies! How am I ever supposed to make it when nobody wants to help?

Suze x

Big Shot Producer

2006-10-27T11:42:00.000+01:00

I'm sick of waiting to be hired so if the fountain won't come to Mohammed so he can have a drink then Mohammed will have to go the fountain himself. I'm making my own film! Kewl!

Have I got this advertising on Mandy thing right?

I've procured funding to make a full length feature film which will shoot for five weeks in November and December. I'm seeking to create a small team of vendors who are ambitious and eager to have their equipment and facilities used to make a feature film.

Because my crew are on full salaries I don't have adequate funding for equipment, props, costumes, transport or catering. I'm looking to secure the following:

1 - Camera crew's equipment.

2 - Sound crew's equipment.

3 - Computers, phones, fax machines etc. for production office.

4 - Office for production office.

5 - Sound stage for two weeks.

6 - Post production facilities for six months.

7 - Props and costumes.

8 - Food. Hot, vegetarian and salads.

Payment for these will be deferred (albeit at a generous rate) but you will be my first port of call when I make a fully funded feature next year.

Please apply with details of why you are good enough to meet my needs.

Thank you.

Fingers crossed!

Suze x

Jamie's Sister

2006-10-16T21:01:00.000+01:00

Could this person be related to the man who made us all cry at Titanic?

Vacancy: Runners for Feature Film
Employer: Sara Cameron Films Ltd
Location: Harrow
Duration: 3 - 20 November, starts 3 November 2006

Payment is on a lo/no/deferred basis.
WANT TO WORK IN FILM?? TAKE THE FIRST STEP... We need some runners for our feature film. We need people who are reliable, flexible and enthusiastic teamworkers. If you are available from 3rd November to 20 November and live in (or have somewhere you can stay) in North London, specifically Harrow / Wembley / Barnet etc, send us your details. We cannot offer any pay but will give you work experience on a film set. We will pick everyone up from a central pick up point (Harrow / Barnet tube stations) and take you to all the locations.

Apply to: Sara Cameron

Wish me luck!

Suze x

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Sara Cameron,

I am just dying to take my first steps into a film because I've had
little but frustration since graduating from college a few months ago. I
am just aching to work in production and so would jump at the chance to
work on your film. What roles are you looking to fill? I'd like to
assist directors and producers before becoming one myself but in the
meantime I'd be delighted to make the best cups of tea you've ever
drunk!

A little bit about me (because I can't send you my CV because it's in at
the Genius Bar in the Apple Store getting fixed) can be summed up in a
few words. I have a Media Degree (but I got a 2:1 so it isn't a bad one)
and am very hard working, reliable as a retriever and flexible as an
Access credit card!

What's your snail mail address? I obviously can't email you my CV but I
can pop one into the post for you.

You've also noticed that I live in West London so I hope this isn't a
problem. I do, however, have the use of my boyfriend's car (he doesn't
need it becuase he injured his leg a few weeks ago) so I could ferry
other West-side crew members to the location or, if necessary, I could
stay in Dollis Hill as he lives there.

This is very exciting. Can I ask what your film is about?

All the best,

Susan

New Look

2006-10-04T19:44:00.000+01:00

Hi everybody!

I decided to give my blog a kewler look. Hope you like it!

Suze x

Crafty Writing for Film and Telly

2006-09-23T20:14:00.000+01:00

I was just browsing some sites trying to find some writing tips to help me get this Grape script started when I found this site and this book. Kewl stuff! I can just feel a first draft coming.

Suze x

TV 7 - Pt 7

2006-09-14T23:09:00.000+01:00

Another email from Mark:

I am sorry, I ment that the script for the programme needs to be finnished before we can give an answer.

I am not sure that the characters would be able to say "oh my goodness you disolved sugar" as that would be too much like South park and we would possibly get in trouble with comedy central who most likly own the phrase "Oh my god they killed Kenny"

The programme where they banned water was that they went to an environmental protest and asked people to sign a partition baning water but giving it's chemical name, something that people who know about the environment should know.

When a programme is made the rights of the programme is bought by the production company from the person who comes up with the idea and the rights are then sold to TV channels.

If you can submit a script for an episode we can review the idea alot better
--
Kind regards,
programme department
TV 7 Ltd

TV 7 - Pt 6

2006-09-14T18:24:00.000+01:00

This deal cutting business is fun but it sure is tiring LOL!!

Hi Mark,

So is that a 'no' then?

I'm sorry but I don't understand your last email. Why do you not want to make programmes unless they're already finished? Don't you finish them Mark? Or should I say "don't we finish them" Mark?

I disagree with you about not involving children in understanding current affairs. Perhaps you should imagine how Grape the Cat could be like an animated version of John Craven's Newsround? Remember that Mark?

Oh and I haven't seen the programme you mentioned. What's a partition to ban water? That sounds really really silly but then I've heard that Christmas is banned in Iran. Don't you think that could be a good episode of The Adventures of Grape the Cat Mark?

So, are we still in development Mark?

Susan

TV 7 - Pt 5

2006-09-14T16:11:00.000+01:00

Boooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark isn't going for The Adventures of Grape the Cat!!!!! Look at this email:

Unfortunatly we cant make a programme which has not been finished yet.
I think it would be a very bad idea to encourage children to take intrest in any kind of politics or current affairs as in most if not all times children dont quite understand the news and this would encourage children, like many protestors to protest about something they know almost nothing about. You may have seen a programme a while ago where a tv programme went to a protest about the environment and a few hundred protestors singed a partition to ban water.

What's a partition to ban water? Is that like a dam? Were all these children scribbling graffiti on it? Mark is sure confusing me!!

TV 7 - Pt 4

2006-09-13T21:01:00.001+01:00

Grape Reader
Originally uploaded by susiebee2006.

I need to develop this idea more if Mark's to go for it...........

Hi Mark,

I've thought that Grape should also encourage kids to take an interest in politics and current affairs. I think I'll show him reading books and papers sometimes.

What do you think Mark?

Susan

TV 7 - Pt 3

2006-09-13T14:57:00.000+01:00

Yippee!!! I have a bite! The Man is interested!! Fame and fortune are just around the corner. (I might even be able to bring my boyfriend to one of those expensive surgeons that fix footballers knobbly knees as he isn't recovering too well from the accident with the bull in Pamplona.) I got an email from the TV 7 programme department.

Suze x

--------------------------------------------------

Questions about "The adventures of grape the cat":
How many episodes do you plan for each series?What is the lenght of each episode?
--
Thanks,
programme department
TV 7 Limited

TV 7 - Pt 2

2006-09-12T13:47:00.001+01:00

I've discovered that I have some competition amongst the desperadoes desperate to get into telly and get their ideas up on screen but they're wasting their time because I've already had an email from the Programme Department at TV Seven so I'm following up my own pitch and I'm going to win out over all of them and get first dibs on an office in the Programme Department. I've emailed Mark again.

Suze x

--------------------------------------------------

Hi Mark,

So I guess you've had a meeting of the Programme Department to discuss my pitch. How soon do I find out if you're going to take a bite of the big time apple? I've been going through my notes for this and am getting quite enthused about seeing my vision on telly. Have I told you about the storyline in which Grape defeats Trevor the Turkey Twizzler with a big stick of celery in a jousting duel at dawn on Hampstead Heath? I'm attaching a picture of Trevor for you. I think he's a good baddie.

Excitedly looking forward to your response.

Best wishes.

Yours sincerely,

Suze

TV 7 - Pt 1

2006-09-11T22:01:00.000+01:00

Today I submitted an idea to TV 7, a brand new TV company. Very exciting!! I've even pitched an idea already. Here's my pitch:

Hi Mark,

I have a great idea for a cartoon for kids that I think you'll be interested in. It's called "The Adventures of Grape the Cat" and is about a cat called Grape (he's purple) and his friends Spot the Dog (because his frames are always covered in squiggles so you have to 'spot' him, get it?) and Sugar the Mouse. The cartoon is about their adventures promoting good food for kids (it started out as a pitch I made for an educational programme) and battling their nemesis - the evil witch Cod Liver Oil who is a large bottle of cod liver oil (which ALL kids hate) and who flies around on a large spoon rather than a broomstick. I'm attaching pictures of the characters.

The main theme of the series is that our three heroes try to persuade kids to eat and drink healthily. Even though one of the characters is called Sugar that's because a little sugar isn't bad and Sugar the Mouse is quite small. Unfortunately for Sugar she tends to dissolve anytime there's rain or when Cod Liver Oil covers her in oil so she ends up as a puddle sometimes. It's a bit like "South Park" and Kenny as in almost every episode Grape or Spot says "Oh my goodness, you dissolved Sugar!!" but Sugar always comes back again.

So, what do you think Mark? I think this one's a goer for sure. Where do we go from here? How soon can I get an office in the programme department? (I'd like a south facing one so I get lots of sunshine.) I'll give you a cut of the merchandising as well as a production fee.

I await your response with great excitement.

Best regards.

Yours sincerely,

Susan

TV 7 Pitch - Grape the Cat Pic

2006-09-11T22:00:00.002+01:00

Grape the Cat
Originally uploaded by susiebee2006.

This is Grape the Cat.

The animation series I'm developing, "The Adventures of Grape the Cat", is named after him.

TV 7 Pitch - Spot the Dog Pic

2006-09-11T21:59:00.000+01:00

Spot the Dog copy
Originally uploaded by susiebee2006.

This is Spot the Dog.

I called him that because his frames are always covered in squiggles so you always have to 'spot' him. Geddit????????

TV 7 Pitch - Sugar the Mouse Pic

2006-09-11T21:57:00.000+01:00

Sugar the Mouse
Originally uploaded by susiebee2006.

This is Sugar the Mouse. She's a mouse but also a sugar cube.

If it rains she dissolves. This also happens when Cod Liver Oil the Witch pours oil over her. When this happens the others say "Oh my goodness! You dissolved Sugar!!"

TV 7 Pitch - Cod Liver Oil the Witch Pic

2006-09-11T21:55:00.000+01:00

Cod Liver Oil the Witch
Originally uploaded by susiebee2006.

This is one of the villains, Cod Liver Oil the Witch. I called her that because ALL kids HATE cod liver oil.

Sixth Sense - Pt 2

2006-09-04T14:13:00.000+01:00

I received this drippy autoreply email a few minutes after my application:

Thank you for your interest in Sixth Sense Film & Television Limited.

A member of our team will review your application / CV and be in touch as soon as possible.

Many Thanks

Sixth Sense Film & Television Team

But then today, to my horror and big disappointment, I received this:

Dear Susan

Thanks for your application for the work experience placement in Birmingham.

Unfortunately on this occasion your application has been unsuccessful.

Best wishes for your future career.

Regards

Tim Duck
Sixth Sense Film & Television Ltd

They don't know what they're missing, do they?

Suze x

Elite Television

2006-09-04T13:59:00.000+01:00

Another promising prospect............

Vacancy: Runner/ Work Experience
Employer: Elite Television
Location: Leeds
Duration: Temporary possibly Permenant, starts ASAP
Payment is on a lo/no/deferred basis.

Runner/ Work Experience person needed for busy Production company/ Facilities house in Leeds. Must be availiable full time to start as soon as possible and have own transport. Preferably someone interested in camera/sound and/or editing, this is not a research role. The position is temporary although there is the posssibility of it becoming permenant for the right person. Please get in touch as soon as possible if you think your meet our requirements.
Apply to: Victoria Hesketh
Email: victoria@elitetv.co.uk

Wish me luck please, this constant job applying is getting me down. :(

Suze x

---------------------------------------------------------

Hi Victoria,

I saw your ad on Mandy for a runner/work experience person on a temporary/permenant basis and I'm very interested in this job/traineeship.

I'm a student/graduate myself (I'm still waiting for my results so I'm not sure if I can call myself a graduate just yet if you know what I mean because if the tutors find out that I cogged my thesis from an internet site I might not graduate until next year) and as a Jill of all trades and mistress of some have a lot of camera/sound/editing experience using DSRs/Z1s, Dagras/DATs, Avid/Final Cut and other equipment.

I live in the Leeds/Bradford area and have my own transport for at least the next few months (as I'm borrowing my boyfriend's car because his leg is still in plaster after that accident with the bull in Pamplona) at which time I'll hopefully become permenant and be able to buy my own. I hope to become a valuable part of the team at the production company/facility, whichever I fit into best.

I shall forward you my CV as soon as I fix/replace my computer.

Your's sincerely,

Susan/Suze Bennett

Viva Zarzosa!! Pt 2

2006-08-29T15:27:00.000+01:00

Dear Susan,

Thank you so much for you email. As you will see we have withdrawn our add
from mandy.com.

We are no longer looking for anybody to fill this position.

Samantha

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eh? This is not good enough. Harumph!! Time to get motivated and go girl!!

Suze x

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Samantha,

That's very disappointing. Why have you decided not to proceed? I noticed that some people were complaining that it was an unpaid job but I think they're killjoys who are preventing the rest of us new kids on the block from getting a start. Is this job no longer available because you've hired somebody or does it no longer exist at all?

Do you think you'll be hiring somebody in the future? I've begun some research into the pink pound so I think it would be quite good to advertise your film by doing the Orange spoof and having another Kevin Spacey lookalike only this one doesn't have a Dorothy in the closet (if you know what I mean ;-), arf arf!). I think we could also be a little naughty and suggest that the film is little like that "Vox" novel by Tom Baker that Monica Lewinsky gave to Bill Clinton.

If you're still interested in having somebody on board please contact me and we can arrange a meeting. Look forward to hearing from you.

Somos todas las hermanas!

Susan

Viva Zarzosa!! Pt 1

2006-08-28T23:01:00.000+01:00

I saw this ad today and think I'm made for the job.......

Vacancy: Publicity Coordinator
Employer: VivaZarzosa Productions
Location: London
Duration: Part time basis, starts as soon as possible
Payment is on a lo/no/deferred basis.

We are looking for a publicity coordinator to work on an upcoming documentary production. The position is unpaid (expenses only), and would suit a recent graduate or someone who would like to build up their portfolio and make contacts within their field and the film/tv industry. This is an excellent opportunity for a motivated person to get involved in a production that will go out on television as well as being shown at many international film festivals.

It is essential for this job to have excellent writing skills, initiative, and creativity. You should be able come up with possible publicity campaigns to raise awareness for the film and get journalists interested in covering the project. You will also need to prepare press releases and coordinate material to be included in our EPK. Starting asap.

This is a perfect opportunity to build contacts, have your work published and build up your profile. There may also be a potential for future business with our production company.

We are a small independent film/tv production company based in London. This project will build on the success of our previous film (www.theintimacyofstrangers.com), which has won a number of awards at international film festivals and is about to have a 7-day theatrical release in LA.

If you are interested, please send your CV to: Samantha

Here's my application. Wish me luck!!

Suze x

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hola Samantha!

Permita que se introduzca. Mi nombre es Susan Bennett y estoy buscando actualmente un cierto trabajo en película y la producción de la TV

I wish to apply for your publicity coordinator job which seems like a great opportunity for a newcomer to the industry. Imagine being a work experience but still being in charge of publicity for a big company? This is quite a break. I hope I'll be able to do a good job for you.

I'm probably a good candidate for you because in addition to my Media Studies Diploma I also have a diploma in Marketing. My boyfriend (he's a copyrighter whose dream is to write a tag line as memorable as "go to work on an egg") works in marketing too and we're always talking about the things we're working on so you'd have no shortage of ideas. The last thing I helped him with was a project to encourage kids to eat healthily and eat some fruit every day so I suggested that he create a character called Grape the Cat (he's purple) to appear in supermarkets and at schools to encourage kids to eat fruit every day. Not just grapes but other fruit too. I do hope it'll take off!

So what's your upcoming film about? I've already done some research on your film company and noticed that Eva has made a lot of films about lesbianism. Is this what your next one is about? This could be a very tough sell but if "Go Fish" and "High Art" could get an audience then all we have to do is come up with a campaign for you. I saw that "The Intimacy of Strangers" is centred around mobile phone conversations. Wouldn't it be fun to take the mickey (no pun intended) out of the Orange ads? Tell me some more about your projects and I'll come up with some more ideas for you.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you as I'd like to know more about this so I can tell you some of my ideas.

Veni Vidi Viva Zapata!

Susan

Sixth Sense - Pt 1

2006-08-23T13:05:00.000+01:00

No, it's not the movie I'm talking about. I saw this ad which seems right up my street. (Well, the M1 and the M6 but I have a friend there I can stay with so it's only a white lie really.)

Vacancy: Work Experience / Runner
Employer: Sixth Sense Film & Television
Location: Walsall, Birmingham
Duration: 2 days, starts 6th Septemeber 2006

Work experience / runner required on an expenses only basis for a 2 day shoot (6th and 7th Septemeber) on a children's documentary in Streetly and Walsall, West Midlands.
Applicants must be based locally (in the Birmingham area) and be able to get to Streetly / Walsall under their own steam. Driving licence and own car an advantage.

If you are interested please reply to info@6sense.co.uk, include a current CV and answer the following questions:

1. What do you hope to get out of the day?
2. What will you be able to offer?
3. What are the three most important duties of a runner?

Web: http://www.6sense.co.uk

Apply to: Tim Duck
Email: jobs@6sense.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------

Hi Tim,

I saw your ad for a runner in the Birmingham area. I'd be very interested in this job and I think my answers will convince you that I'm the one for you!

1. What do you hope to get out of the day?

Experience, experience, experience. Because I'm still new to all this I really do think that I can't get enough. I want to see as much production from as many different angles as possible. I want to meet new people and learn at least one great tip to make me better at my job.

2. What will you be able to offer?

Enthusiasm, hard work, a permanent smile, great tea or coffee (I can remember up to twenty or thirty orders) and a knockout sense of humour - quack quack! ... Sorry, I won't say that again. ;-)

3. What are the three most important duties of a runner?

To do the job.
To do it quickly.
To do it with a smile. (Runners should be seen but not heard.)

I live in the Birmingham area and I although I don't have a car I can borrow my boyfriend's for the job. I have a full licence and know the area quite well so if I'm sent on errands I won't get lost.

Look forward to hearing from you!

Susan

DV Talent - Pt 2

2006-08-22T15:42:00.000+01:00

Yippee!

If you could send in your cv, we can then consider you for this work experience placement.
Best
Emma

Um... just remembered that I don't have an up to date CV. Er..........

DV Talent - Pt 1

2006-08-22T03:35:00.000+01:00

I think this job looks kewl so I've applied for it:

Vacancy: work experience placement
Employer: Dv Talent
Location: Highgate, North London
Duration: 6 weeks, starts asap
Payment is on a lo/no/deferred basis.

We are looking for someone who can committ to a 6 week unpaid work experience placement, starting ASAP. We need someone with great administrative skills and good attention to detail to help coordinate our TV training courses and our TV Headhunting Agency work (we find experienced AP's, PD's and Series Producers TV work). In return we will offer you the following: pay for your travel expenses (within London) pay for your lunch expenses you can attend our two day Z1 camera DV directing courses free(usually £600) and we will give you a free 2 hour career consultation with TV industry experts. Please only apply if you are available immediately and have the administrative skills we are looking for with references to back this up. Please apply via email - no phone calls please. Thank you.

Web: http://www.dvtalent.co.uk
Apply to: Emma

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Emma,

I wish to apply for your exciting job opportunity. I'm looking to get some new experiences under my belt and make some more contacts as well as honeing my DV skills so I think I'd be perfect for this job.

I'm very good at typing (I temp when I'm not working in telly and I'm mega fast!) and so I know how to use lots of software like Word, Excel and Filemaker so I'd be a whiz in the office.

The DV course is also very exciting. Would I be doing it before or after the job?

A last question and it's possible a little cheeky. I live in Archway so because you're in Highgate my only travel expenses would be the wear and tear on my Cons. Could I have a slightly higher meals allowance as the walking does make me hungrier! ;-)

Hope to hear from you soon,

Susan

TV Shows I've Seen - Beauty and the Geek

2006-08-14T14:44:00.000+01:00

What's the worst reality show then?

Beauty and the Geek is pretty stupid but then it is an American idea LOL! How is that a 'social experiment'? (At least when the Dutch thought of Big Brother they could say it was based on a Nobel winning (or some other prize (I don't know which one it won (or even if it did win one))) novel.) I can just imagine Ashton Ketchup thinking of it and saying to his frat boy doozies at his company

Ketchup: "Hey dudes, wouldn't it be like really interesting to get some chicks like those babes we saw in that club on Sunset last night and then stick them in house with some really dorky doofuses?"

Ass-Kisser: "Yeah man, it'd be like so worth a bet on whether the nerds could learn chat up lines and the chicks could learn NASA math and stuff."

Ketchup: "It'd be our experiment. It'd be a social one except we wouldn't have to go into jungles and shit."

Ass-Kisser: "And wouldn't it be awesome if the dorks had boners all the time?"

I hate that show. Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Suze x

Creative Applications - Pt 6

2006-08-03T17:41:00.000+01:00

I've given up.

But only on this job. I'm sure I'll find plenty more to tickle my fancy!!

Suze x

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear Bernardo,

So I guess I'm not cutting your mustard or other condominients either. That's a shame. I was so looking forward to coming to work for you. Oh well! Life's a beach and then the clouds come out!

I really had to write to you again to ask you about the money thing. I always think it's good to follow up job applications, even unsuccessful ones, so that I can learn more about climbing greasy poles. (I'm not talking about my neighbours in Hammersmith either so don't call me a xylophobe either LOL!) Was this job part-time or a work experience placement for students? My boyfriend (he's a legal clerk) told me that unless you were taking on a student who had to do work experience for their course you'd be breaking the law and should be reported to the Inland Revenue for breaking the law about minimum wages. I'd really like an answer about this so that I'll know these things for future job applications. I'm very cross that I cancelled a hair appointment a few days ago for an interview that never happened.

Anyways, good luck with your ventures but one word of warning. If you steal any of my ideas and I find out by seeing Grape the Cat giving people samples of prune juice down the supermarket I'll have to behave like a gangsta rappa and "get all legal on yo ass" which will be very easy for me to do because I've copyrighted him and my boyfriend (he's a legal clerk) knows lots about the law.

All the best,

Suze x