Suze's Quest For a Job In Telly

One girl's quest to land her dream job in telly. It may take a while but enjoy the journey with me!! Suze x

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Viva Zarzosa!! Pt 2

Dear Susan,

Thank you so much for you email. As you will see we have withdrawn our add

We are no longer looking for anybody to fill this position.



Eh? This is not good enough. Harumph!! Time to get motivated and go girl!!

Suze x


Dear Samantha,

That's very disappointing. Why have you decided not to proceed? I noticed that some people were complaining that it was an unpaid job but I think they're killjoys who are preventing the rest of us new kids on the block from getting a start. Is this job no longer available because you've hired somebody or does it no longer exist at all?

Do you think you'll be hiring somebody in the future? I've begun some research into the pink pound so I think it would be quite good to advertise your film by doing the Orange spoof and having another Kevin Spacey lookalike only this one doesn't have a Dorothy in the closet (if you know what I mean ;-), arf arf!). I think we could also be a little naughty and suggest that the film is little like that "Vox" novel by Tom Baker that Monica Lewinsky gave to Bill Clinton.

If you're still interested in having somebody on board please contact me and we can arrange a meeting. Look forward to hearing from you.

Somos todas las hermanas!


Monday, August 28, 2006

Viva Zarzosa!! Pt 1

I saw this ad today and think I'm made for the job.......

Vacancy: Publicity Coordinator
Employer: VivaZarzosa Productions
Location: London
Duration: Part time basis, starts as soon as possible
Payment is on a lo/no/deferred basis.

We are looking for a publicity coordinator to work on an upcoming documentary production. The position is unpaid (expenses only), and would suit a recent graduate or someone who would like to build up their portfolio and make contacts within their field and the film/tv industry. This is an excellent opportunity for a motivated person to get involved in a production that will go out on television as well as being shown at many international film festivals.

It is essential for this job to have excellent writing skills, initiative, and creativity. You should be able come up with possible publicity campaigns to raise awareness for the film and get journalists interested in covering the project. You will also need to prepare press releases and coordinate material to be included in our EPK. Starting asap.

This is a perfect opportunity to build contacts, have your work published and build up your profile. There may also be a potential for future business with our production company.

We are a small independent film/tv production company based in London. This project will build on the success of our previous film (, which has won a number of awards at international film festivals and is about to have a 7-day theatrical release in LA.

If you are interested, please send your CV to: Samantha

Here's my application. Wish me luck!!

Suze x


Hola Samantha!

Permita que se introduzca. Mi nombre es Susan Bennett y estoy buscando actualmente un cierto trabajo en película y la producción de la TV

I wish to apply for your publicity coordinator job which seems like a great opportunity for a newcomer to the industry. Imagine being a work experience but still being in charge of publicity for a big company? This is quite a break. I hope I'll be able to do a good job for you.

I'm probably a good candidate for you because in addition to my Media Studies Diploma I also have a diploma in Marketing. My boyfriend (he's a copyrighter whose dream is to write a tag line as memorable as "go to work on an egg") works in marketing too and we're always talking about the things we're working on so you'd have no shortage of ideas. The last thing I helped him with was a project to encourage kids to eat healthily and eat some fruit every day so I suggested that he create a character called Grape the Cat (he's purple) to appear in supermarkets and at schools to encourage kids to eat fruit every day. Not just grapes but other fruit too. I do hope it'll take off!

So what's your upcoming film about? I've already done some research on your film company and noticed that Eva has made a lot of films about lesbianism. Is this what your next one is about? This could be a very tough sell but if "Go Fish" and "High Art" could get an audience then all we have to do is come up with a campaign for you. I saw that "The Intimacy of Strangers" is centred around mobile phone conversations. Wouldn't it be fun to take the mickey (no pun intended) out of the Orange ads? Tell me some more about your projects and I'll come up with some more ideas for you.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you as I'd like to know more about this so I can tell you some of my ideas.

Veni Vidi Viva Zapata!


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Sixth Sense - Pt 1

No, it's not the movie I'm talking about. I saw this ad which seems right up my street. (Well, the M1 and the M6 but I have a friend there I can stay with so it's only a white lie really.)

Vacancy: Work Experience / Runner
Employer: Sixth Sense Film & Television
Location: Walsall, Birmingham
Duration: 2 days, starts 6th Septemeber 2006

Work experience / runner required on an expenses only basis for a 2 day shoot (6th and 7th Septemeber) on a children's documentary in Streetly and Walsall, West Midlands.
Applicants must be based locally (in the Birmingham area) and be able to get to Streetly / Walsall under their own steam. Driving licence and own car an advantage.

If you are interested please reply to, include a current CV and answer the following questions:

1. What do you hope to get out of the day?
2. What will you be able to offer?
3. What are the three most important duties of a runner?


Apply to: Tim Duck


Hi Tim,

I saw your ad for a runner in the Birmingham area. I'd be very interested in this job and I think my answers will convince you that I'm the one for you!

1. What do you hope to get out of the day?

Experience, experience, experience. Because I'm still new to all this I really do think that I can't get enough. I want to see as much production from as many different angles as possible. I want to meet new people and learn at least one great tip to make me better at my job.

2. What will you be able to offer?

Enthusiasm, hard work, a permanent smile, great tea or coffee (I can remember up to twenty or thirty orders) and a knockout sense of humour - quack quack! ... Sorry, I won't say that again. ;-)

3. What are the three most important duties of a runner?

To do the job.
To do it quickly.
To do it with a smile. (Runners should be seen but not heard.)

I live in the Birmingham area and I although I don't have a car I can borrow my boyfriend's for the job. I have a full licence and know the area quite well so if I'm sent on errands I won't get lost.

Look forward to hearing from you!


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

DV Talent - Pt 2


If you could send in your cv, we can then consider you for this work experience placement.

Um... just remembered that I don't have an up to date CV. Er..........

DV Talent - Pt 1

I think this job looks kewl so I've applied for it:

Vacancy: work experience placement
Employer: Dv Talent
Location: Highgate, North London
Duration: 6 weeks, starts asap
Payment is on a lo/no/deferred basis.

We are looking for someone who can committ to a 6 week unpaid work experience placement, starting ASAP. We need someone with great administrative skills and good attention to detail to help coordinate our TV training courses and our TV Headhunting Agency work (we find experienced AP's, PD's and Series Producers TV work). In return we will offer you the following: pay for your travel expenses (within London) pay for your lunch expenses you can attend our two day Z1 camera DV directing courses free(usually £600) and we will give you a free 2 hour career consultation with TV industry experts. Please only apply if you are available immediately and have the administrative skills we are looking for with references to back this up. Please apply via email - no phone calls please. Thank you.

Apply to: Emma


Dear Emma,

I wish to apply for your exciting job opportunity. I'm looking to get some new experiences under my belt and make some more contacts as well as honeing my DV skills so I think I'd be perfect for this job.

I'm very good at typing (I temp when I'm not working in telly and I'm mega fast!) and so I know how to use lots of software like Word, Excel and Filemaker so I'd be a whiz in the office.

The DV course is also very exciting. Would I be doing it before or after the job?

A last question and it's possible a little cheeky. I live in Archway so because you're in Highgate my only travel expenses would be the wear and tear on my Cons. Could I have a slightly higher meals allowance as the walking does make me hungrier! ;-)

Hope to hear from you soon,


Monday, August 14, 2006

TV Shows I've Seen - Beauty and the Geek

What's the worst reality show then?

Beauty and the Geek is pretty stupid but then it is an American idea LOL! How is that a 'social experiment'? (At least when the Dutch thought of Big Brother they could say it was based on a Nobel winning (or some other prize (I don't know which one it won (or even if it did win one))) novel.) I can just imagine Ashton Ketchup thinking of it and saying to his frat boy doozies at his company

Ketchup: "Hey dudes, wouldn't it be like really interesting to get some chicks like those babes we saw in that club on Sunset last night and then stick them in house with some really dorky doofuses?"

Ass-Kisser: "Yeah man, it'd be like so worth a bet on whether the nerds could learn chat up lines and the chicks could learn NASA math and stuff."

Ketchup: "It'd be our experiment. It'd be a social one except we wouldn't have to go into jungles and shit."

Ass-Kisser: "And wouldn't it be awesome if the dorks had boners all the time?"

I hate that show. Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Suze x

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Creative Applications - Pt 6

I've given up.

But only on this job. I'm sure I'll find plenty more to tickle my fancy!!

Suze x


Dear Bernardo,

So I guess I'm not cutting your mustard or other condominients either. That's a shame. I was so looking forward to coming to work for you. Oh well! Life's a beach and then the clouds come out!

I really had to write to you again to ask you about the money thing. I always think it's good to follow up job applications, even unsuccessful ones, so that I can learn more about climbing greasy poles. (I'm not talking about my neighbours in Hammersmith either so don't call me a xylophobe either LOL!) Was this job part-time or a work experience placement for students? My boyfriend (he's a legal clerk) told me that unless you were taking on a student who had to do work experience for their course you'd be breaking the law and should be reported to the Inland Revenue for breaking the law about minimum wages. I'd really like an answer about this so that I'll know these things for future job applications. I'm very cross that I cancelled a hair appointment a few days ago for an interview that never happened.

Anyways, good luck with your ventures but one word of warning. If you steal any of my ideas and I find out by seeing Grape the Cat giving people samples of prune juice down the supermarket I'll have to behave like a gangsta rappa and "get all legal on yo ass" which will be very easy for me to do because I've copyrighted him and my boyfriend (he's a legal clerk) knows lots about the law.

All the best,

Suze x

Party Time in Westminster - Pt 3

Ignored again. This really is making me very cross! I've emailed Sara again.

Hi Sara,

So, how come this job is unpaid anyway? Isn't that against the law? My boyfriend (he's a legal clerk) told me that it is. I read somewhere that employers who don't pay the minimum wage can be reported to the Revenue. Wouldn't it be as ironic as ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife if it turned out that the government was breaking it's own law LOL!!!!?????


Party Time in Westminster - Pt 2

A reply already!

Hi Susan,

Thanks for the email, but I think it’s already been filled. Funnily enough the job description seems to have stretched on the Production Base Watercooler. It’s for a student with film experience to help out a few ministers with their video diaries, so not really the glamour job with David Cameron!



Drat! And DOUBLE DRAT!!!!!! This would have been kewl.

Hi Sara,

I do hope that hasn't been filled because I'd really like to get involved with a political project. My boyfriend (he's a member of Respect) says it's good because it helps you feel like a swozunt retard (or something like that, I don't quite understand) and because I'm returning to college I am eligible to do the job.

What will the style of these private diaries be? Is it going to be a video diary room like on Big Brother? I won't have to film anything naughty will I? I've heard that some politicians can be right dirty sleazebags and I don't want to have to follow them round to Hampstead Heath in the middle of the night, especially if the infra red on the camera isn't that great. If I was looking through the viewfinder I might not see where I'm going and bump into a tree.

Do keep me posted just in case this great opportunity is still open.

Man (and woman) the barricades!


Party Time in Westminster - Pt 1

This is too good to be true! A job in Westminster working for politicians. I've applied.

Suze x


Hi Sara,

I heard that you're looking for some people to travel the country interviewing politicians. I'd love to do this if it's still available. Do you think there's any chance I'd get to meet David Cameron? He's quite a dish LOL!

Please let me know if this opportunity is still available.

Kind regards,


Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Creative Applications - Pt 5

This is getting silly.

Suze x



It's a shame that you we weren't able to do an interview today. I was quite excited about working for an upstart company with great beliefs. Didn't somebody once say "give a man a lunch and he won't be hungry until dinnertime, set his belly ablaze with passion and he'll want for nothing ... until suppertime"?

I've been asking for advice about this opening and some of the people I've spoken to think I shouldn't take it. My boyfriend (he's a legal clerk) told me that if the job is a proper job then I should really be paid at least the minimum wage for it. He told me that if I don't bring home some bacon too we might have to move somewhere cheaper like Cricklewood or Bethnal Green. Yuck! He also said that it's bad to take people on for nothing and that employers can get into trouble for it. He asked me if I really wanted to know what it must have been like for yooung girls who were forced to work in front of looms for nasty Victorian mill owners. No thank you!

So could you let me know if you will be paying a wage for this job? Then we can arrange another interview time. I had to cancel a hair appointment this morning but I'm free at the same time tomorrow.

Kind regards,


P.S. I worked out the percentage shareholding if there are six other people there not including myself who work five day weeks but I only do two days per week but everything is split evenly depending on who works the most etc. It'd be 5.405405405406%. Phew! I think a wage would be easier to work out!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Creative Applications - Pt 4

I'm getting worried. No reply.

Suze x


Hi Bernie,

You don't mind me calling you Bernie do you? You can call me Suze, everybody else does.

So when should I come in for an interview? How about tomorrow morning around about 11:30am? Does that suit you? Whereabouts in Soho are you? Which is the closest tube station? I don't want to get lost.

I've been typing up some more of my ideas for things. I have a few more programme proposals and also some ideas for ads. I've had this image in my head of a character called Grape the Cat (who's purple, hence the name) who can go round to supermarkets. Perhaps we could sell the idea to Ribena although maybe they're not the best bet because it's made from blackcurrants. Some people think it's a little silly but I did see an article in the newspaper about a dog that moos instead of barking so I don't think it's that silly really. Besides, Barney is a purple dinosaur so why not a purple cat?

Oh and I was just talking to my boyfriend about the contract stuff (he's a legal clerk) and I was wrong because it isn't equity in the company (so it is actors!) I should be asking for but a shareholding. How many people are in the company because if it's something like seven then that's an awkward percentage and I guess I woulnd't be on the same because I'd be part-time so it'd be the even split then divided down to be two fifths of a normal hare or somethign like that. Anyway, I'll leave the sums to other people like my boyfriend (he's also quite good at maths) and concentrate on the creative stuff myself.

See you tomorrow!


Creative Applications - Pt 3

Hmmm. No reply from Bernardo. I think it's time to push harder.

Suze x


Dear Bernardo,

I thought I should send a follow up email to the one I sent yesterday because when I reread it I thought it didn't read very well. I thought I should tell you that drug dealer from Liverpool was the subject of the tape that I was transcribing and that I don't actually know any drug dealers from Liverpool or any drug dealers from anywhere else either.

I hope you've had time to think about my ideas for how I can be part of the gang too and help your company grow. What should we do next? Is it time for a meeting? I'm not doing much for the rest of the week so I can come in to meet you at your convenience although I can't do any days after 3:30pm as I have to get to the restaurant (it's in Covent Garden, only two minutes from the tube but because I live in Hammersmith it still takes a long time to get in) for my waitressing job in the evening. I have lots of ideas I'd like to talk about and it would also give us a chance to sort out things like the equity (my boyfriend, he's a legal clerk, has given me lots of forms and things to sign and countersign in triplicate) which I'm quite excited about too because it will make the job more interesting than the kind of minimum wage temping things I've done before. Of course if you've decided that the equity idea isn't for you then we can just settle on a wage instead because much as I'd like to do the job it's very difficult for me to get by on a wage of zero!

I thought I'd give you a taster of what I want to make and I'd be very interested to make a programme about the WAGs and what happens to them when the players retire. I'd also like to produce a quiz show in which the star prize is a car but the booby prize is a dustbin. I think that'd be very cool.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,